Every action we take sets in motion a chain of events that takes on its own life. For example, when we strive to be different, we create a reality for us that, given enough time to develop, becomes unescapable. By being different, we make it very difficult for us to be un-different.
Many years ago I took actions that determined a path for me. In many ways, it made me an outsider to the normal world. So much so, that if I now want to be a part of the normal world, the normal world doesn’t really know how or want to fit me back in.
It is not that I particularly want to be a part of the normal world. But I do seek certain aspects of it, and both I and it find it hard to separate those specific aspects from the whole. I feel sentimental about the fact that I have no place for sentimentality in my life. I feel left out when I look at a Norman Rockwell painting and don’t see myself a part of it in spite of the fact that I pride myself for not being a part of it. Maybe I feel sad that I don’t want a normal family life with all its Rockwell-ian trappings. I call this my inexorable inevitability.